"Technically, He Had Never Done This Before," by Anonymous

Technically he had never done this before, but how hard could it be.

You like a girl who lives in Colorado. She’s invited you to stay with her.

You bartend. I’m pretty sure there are bars everywhere.

You’ve been saying you are going to get out of NJ since high school. Do you really want to be one of those people who can’t live anywhere else because you’re afraid you won’t know how to make a bagel?

Step 1- The decision to leave.

Step 2- Put stuff in car.

Step 3- Look at a map; find Colorado.

Step 4- “Oh, it’s over there.”

Step 5- Go there.

And so began a new life. I was only 22 at the time. I’ve had many unique experiences, learned so much. But perhaps the most important thing I’ve learned is that it’s true, nobody knows how to make a bagel. Jesus Christ, you can’t just put a hole in a piece of bread and call it a bagel, that’s fucking bullshit.