"It Occurs to Me" By Abbie Holden

It occurs to me that
It would have been all too easy
For my story to end like his.
Hundreds of times vomiting,
wiping my mouth and carrying on
until it was all gone.
Being sick wasn't the end.
How strange it is to me
that a man whose tolerance
far surpassed mine is the one
the beast took down.
Wrestled him to the ground
and pinned him there.
But he was so much stronger
than me. My bionic man,
metal parts and childhood scar stories.
He had lived his teenage years
keeping his mother forever holding her breath.
An addiction was the most terrifying prospect yet.
A true beast.
I watched it ravage him
like a lion on a gazelle
and still, I have the urge to pet it.
Feed it from afar in hopes
it will someday let me have a casual relationship
visit on the weekends and
ruffle its mane with my fingers.
I am not afraid of beasts.
I am afraid of the way I want to befriend them
and invite them home.