"I Am the One Who" by Stevie S.

I am the one who is often too quiet. I am the one who can get so in-my-head that I have a social anxiety attack around the same friends I should feel perfectly comfortable with by now. It's not in the way that some people break down and have "real" anxiety attacks; but instead it's in the way that I simply freeze up. I can't remember how to articulate words, sentences, my thoughts. Can't remember how to make eye contact, nor even control the faces I'm making (i.e. unintended dirty looks). Sometimes, when it's at its worst, I can't even remember how to listen to the person talking to me. Odd, because other times I can do all of those things without effort. Why is that? And what can help? Sometimes drinking helps, especially when paired with weed. Acid's great too, just one tab or two if it's weak. But somehow other times that seems to be what makes it even worse. Is it ADD? Hopefully one day I'll be able to fix these flaws about myself.