"Again, & Again" by Jeremy Void

How it all worked out. It never usually works out; well sometimes it does. When things fell apart, I was drinking and taking large quantities of speed, some prescribed, some off the street. I was homeless for a bit. Stopped taking my meds and lost my shit. Mood stabilizers and anti-depressants. She was frightened when the shit hit the fan. I was talking too fast, I was breathing too fast, I hadn’t slept in days. I tramped around our house screaming. Life is, was, can be, too hard. Fuck it, life is shit, so I threw caution into the flames and danced around the pit. She took off out the door. I needed help but couldn’t articulate this level of pain. She couldn’t help me so I called the police. They must have thought someone was killing me, from how I sounded over the phone. Eight cruisers, a firetruck, and an ambulance came to my rescue. Now, no more speed, no more drinking, back to sleeping again, back on my meds. A few months down the road, after many excruciating tribulations, things worked out for us and I’m back home again; but fuck if I don’t deserve it: things always fall apart again, & again—I guess I’m scared I might lose it again, & again….