"Here's Where I Am Right Now" by Susan McDowell

Here's where I am right now: Scrolling through Facebook AGAIN. Obsessively. It's gotten worse over the past week or so. Social distancing.

It feels like I want to know something that I just can't know. I pore over people's posts and the news, and click on photos--even my own sometimes--but remain ungratified.

Last night I realized I wasn't writing anything anymore, or playing music, Or making anything. I sat with my hands in my lap listening to "All Things Considered" and stared ahead vacantly. Then, just to change *something*, began to survey the room. Judged myself for having a coloring book, then got it out. Got out colored pencils. Filled the spaces tight to the lines. Tried not to put the same hues together. Kept an even pressure on the pencils. Got excited by the idea of adding black. Forgot the news. Forgot the vacant feeling. Remembered what it was to make something. Wrote this today, and shared it.