"That Wasn't the End of It," by Lisa N.

Happy joyous and free?

I was, for about a moment in time.

Sober, carefree, new life, new friends, new attitude, new strength

new beginning

I kept hearing that saying recovery is like peeling the layers of an onion and I didn’t get it. 

But what they were trying to tell me was it wasn’t over

My journey

Discovering the self unfolds with every, new experience, argument, loss, grief, celebration brings up new old feelings and deeper insights

and deeper pain.

This feels Familiar

But different

Raw, foreign, 

What is it?

I have this emotion, what the hell is it? Look inside. Shit, I’m lonely. WTF? Me lonely? Surrounded by friends, family, clients, love, things to do….how can this be?

I’ve never really taken that deep dive of intimacy you see. I let you see some of the mess inside but I’ve kept that one closet door shut. It’s my shameful version of Monica’s closet in 'Friends'. 

You open the door and all the shit falls out that you’ve stuffed inside and thought “I’ll deal with that later. I’ll put that in the correct spot when I get organized”. And you never do. 

You leave it. The closet fills up and suddenly the door bursts open as it can only hold so much.

A year or so ago my door burst open.  

Fuck. It wasn’t the end of it they were right. Goddamn onion.