A Five Spot of Poems by Angala Devoid
Angala has been a WFR regular for years now, and her voice is honest, kind, and true. Here are five of her recent poems.
What I forgot to Tell You
No more doubts
Just a reflection
Why was I this way?
I got a feeling you were reading my mind
Why was I pretending?
I lied all the time, To myself
Wasting time
It was all the same
I got a feeling the bottle fed my doubts
Why did alcohol want me?
Why did I crave its poison?
I cried all the time at the bottom of hell
I know today alcohol was reading me, studying me as I cried in my bed wishing I was dead.
It was always the same when we talked
Alcohol was my distraction from my mind
Sober now I don’t pretend or lie
I forgot to tell you I don’t miss you, no more doubts
One day at a time
Take a Look Around
Screaming, crying, throwing
Take a look around?
Things are not like they were when your world wasn’t upside down.
Smiling. Giddy, joy, proud
Take a look around?
Places, people, things I found I can enjoy again simple pleasures like babies coming into the world, strangers smiles underneath masks I sense with smell
Take a look around ?
The world is slowly coming back together again
Sometimes I forget the simpleness of the front door but if I pull turn around and look at my home I’m reminded it’s a cozy place not scary like before
So I take a look around and find comfort in my gratitude and laugh a little with a grin.
I’m Not Going Back
Saving my last breath for you… Hell No
It’s hard sometimes to say the truth out loud
Pulling the truth out
I’m not going back to that time when the fear of their words scared the vomit through the bathroom door. Crying in the lunchroom all by myself
It’s hard sometimes to breathe in and breathe out
I wanted to run down the paths that led me home but instead I took a long winding detour that led me to broken door.
I drifted away for a while with every step I took, steps that showed me a different side of that broken smile.
Time takes time that’s why my footsteps move forward now and I’m not looking back
Today I need my pain to feel the truth
I don’t love you anymore
I’m not going back
The pain of my forgiveness, time to fix the broken pieces
I’m not going back to that day where my mind gave up on itself
I could have been my families tragedy even they let me back in
This is as honest as I’ve ever been
I sat in shame, guilt and pain but not today that was my back
There is no reason to relive all the pain
All my addictions each and every one still lives down in my makeup they scream every day to come out, I calmly smile and say no. Why go back when today is my creation?
No more shame, no more guilt, no more pain
I found joy
I found change
I found Grace
I found love
I found one day at a time
I won’t go back. Why?
Because I finally found me
It Was a Puzzle
You are not hidden
You will always be in the open
Waiting patiently for me to walk out the front door.
Just waiting to bully its words its glare as I walk place to place.
My heart trembles at the sound of your name
In your presence I was always defeated
Everything I’ve done
I am not worthless
I am not hopeless
I will stand tall
I will not cry in fear
I sent an army to rescue myself
This is where I am now
I no longer fear you
I look up and not at my feet
I know my HP had my back all along
My heart doesn’t tremble at the sound of your name anymore
Let the mountains roar
It was a puzzle for years, but not any more.
I Took Another Look
Some kind of magic
Don’t let me get comfortable
Got a tendency to let go
Won’t be happy either way
Addicted to blue
How lucky am I?
There isn’t too much to say
Go have fun
Got good at faking smiles
You wouldn’t even notice
The focus on a thousand eyes
I can’t undo what I have done
We can take all night, if we know where this goes
Why did I play with fire?
You got to grit your teeth while you smile through all the pain
If I let the ground swallow me whole
I am just trying to build myself back up to take another look.