"Here's What I Have Been Thinking About" by Anonymous (DOC)

Alco-logic … how my view of the world get skewed when I’m under the influence and remains into sobriety. If nothing else, jail is teaching me patience to stay present in the moment, which can be very challenging in this particular jail with three to a cell and thirty to a unit. But with the clarity of sobriety, I realize I’m very negative & angry mostly with myself and I take it out on the people closest to me. I’m furious my mom won’t bail me out. I’m furious with myself for creating such a legal mess through the use/abuse of drugs and alcohol, and yet I still want to use and think about it all the time. How could any reasonable person think that using could be a good idea in light of the consequences of what happens? And I know I would probably go use today if I got out. How fucked is that?