Four Poems by Angala Devoid

Angala Devoid has been a long-time participant in WFR. I love her work and its powerful honesty. She recently sent me a big batch of work, which I’ll share across a few posts. Here is the first. Enjoy!

We Began Again

I was your dream come true but you became my after thought 
You fit in my life it felt so good at the time
Shifted through old memories that keep that closet door wide open
When I saw you in the grocery store I pretended I was blind 
You left me in the dark that was flipping rude
I used to dream we would get back together 
How could I let you do that to me?
I am not sorry for the way I let you talk to me boy am I grateful I accepted I deserve 
So much better
Eventually I grew to love me more than I loved you
It’s kind of the opposite don’t you think? The paintings in my life are so much different know from my past drawings 
I think about these things sometimes before I turn out the lights and finally begin my journey into a good nights sleep.

How Is It I Remembered this Road?

Everyone makes mistakes I thought I acted like a supergirl 
My heartbreak was one thing but my ego I wouldn’t let go 
Whatever devil was inside me I tried like hell not to let it take me over
I left quite an impression in an upside down mirror 
I swore to god I would always lie to be accepted 
I got my tarot cards read with a fake smile what are the odds this was never my time zone?
Why are you still looking at me?
Am I your inspiration?
It’s something I always fell for you always came off very well spoken
You put me in a meditation I tried not to fall for 
Just last week I didn’t have any doubts, I thought I would end this life alone 
What a surprise just to keep me bitching 
Jealous ?
What was I supposed to do? I ended up crying cause it was over
When a cardinal flies by I always find the questions I always wondered about
You guilt tripped me into looking up to you but little did you know I found god in a filled up room.


It Had Been Years Since I Had Seen the Photo

In the beginning I refused to see what I was losing
The years I put into my addictions keep me from seeing, feeling, touching something bigger than I 
If I could go back and erase all the nasty words I told myself on the daily I would hit reverse and yell hey girl what are you thinking?
Those bullies couldn’t see they were missing out on someone special because deep down it was easier to pick on someone stronger than it was to look at themselves in the mirror.
I realize today instead of believing all the rumors all I had to do was believe in myself but all I believed in were my addictions.
Today I tell myself when I open the front door is I am a winner
It had been years since I have seen the photos of those bullies in my mind.


What I Think Late at Night

Standing at the crossroads torn between two lives my grandmother used to tell me someday I needed to learn how to survive 
I had to crawl along the paths I went down lead me to where I thought I would never be
Why did I want to fit in? I knew deep down I didn’t need to be like the all the rest but that is where all my insecurities led my lonely emotions, In a crowded room I even felt alone.
I let my mind feed me lies while my ego stood by i held so tight to my past memories that keep me from moving forward i always waited for a sign.
I took my first drink snorted my first pill swearing to Jesus Christ 
They said if I picked up the first one I might get hooked that took me years to believe they were right
Looking back now and thinking about my grandmother in heaven I hope she is up there smiling with pride knowing I surrender everyday to survive.